Hello friends!
Last week we discussed the topic feelings of worthiness, an article that I’m admittedly quite happy with. Well this week, I dug ever so slightly deeper into a similar idea of which I’d like to discuss with you today. Tying into last week’s article where I talked about dating and not feeling worthy of an attractive person, I will dive a bit deeper into how you can deal with this romantic conundrum that could potentially be messing up your dating life.
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When you see an attractive person your senses heighten, your heart rate increases, and your vision dilates. These physiological changes is your body’s way of letting you know:
Hey, there’s a potential mate over there and this could be your chance to make some babies. DON’T FUCK THIS UP.
No pressure.
You begin to sweat and get nervous. Your stomach ties in a knot. You can’t focus. You’re terrified.
What if I get rejected??
What if I embarrass myself??
What if she thinks I’m some sort of creepy rapist??
All these thoughts flash through your mind in a blur, and before you know it, she’s up and out the door. Your opportunity to make some babies is gone.
Okay.
This is a problem.
Problems require solving.
Problems require solutions.
So let’s get to it.
First and foremost, you have to stop idealizing and let go of any projections you have on whoever it is you’re attracted to. We have a tendency to look at beautiful people and think that they’re some sort of infallible creature worth bowing down to.
This has to stop.
Beautiful people are simply that: people. Imperfect people like you, imperfect people like me. Placing them onto an imaginary pedestal isn’t helpful. Seeing them for what they actually are is helpful. Engaging in this mindset will let you see them through a lens of equal value, instead of seeing yourself as unworthy or beneath them.
Secondly, stop being so damn nice to them. I’m not saying to be an asshole or to be disrespectful or arrogant, however I am saying that you have to be there. Being nice to the point where all you do is agree with them, never voice your own opinions, and have every intention to please their every whim and fancy is incredibly unattractive. Essentially, it’s as if you’re not even there. And no one wants to make babies with someone who isn’t there.
And finally, you need to have your own things going on. Get a life might be a harsh but accurate way of summing up what I’m trying to say. You need to have a life of your own in order to be interesting and attractive to other people.
For example, I met a guy at the bar the other night and asked him what he did. He replied lazily with one word:
Nothing.
Not to mention the fact that when I shook his hand it felt like a dead fish, but the guy literally said he did nothing.
Now to be fair and slightly less judgemental, I don’t know this guy’s story or problems. But I do know that he was the furthest thing from attractive to any woman he was hoping to meet in the bar that night.
So ask yourself the difficult questions:
Are you investing in yourself?
Are you furthering your education?
Are you taking care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually?
Are you able to stand as an independent autonomous individual?
Do you have your own things going on?
Until you make efforts to get your life in order, you will idealize those whom you deem above you and be treated as such, as someone beneath them.
So to summarize:
Stop idealizing and projecting
Voice your opinions and stop trying to be nice
In order to be attractive to someone, you have to have a life of your own
A single phrase that might help you remember all this:
Treat someone like a celebrity and they will treat you like a fan.
Work on these, and Lord willing with a little hard work and luck, you’ll be able to see perfect people for what they really are: just people.
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Have a fantastic day.
Your friend,
Trevor
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